don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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