I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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