last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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