I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
