I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
