Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
