i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
