We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
