i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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