That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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