that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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