Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
