At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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