I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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