we made out on top of his cat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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