either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
