Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
