I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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