you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
