i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
