I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
