I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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