there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to stop coming to work sober
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
