well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
