I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
