I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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