I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
