You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
now i know why i became what i already was.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
