i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
