apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
