i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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