idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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