he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
