when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
