He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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