it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
