it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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