His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
