he wants to bone in the snuggie
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
