I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize