I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
