i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
