took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
