To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
