Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
