I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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