Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize