i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
