That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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