i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
