I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
