Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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