What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
