I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
