I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
