I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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