She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize