Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
