Non-Jews are for practice
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
