Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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