I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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