only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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