Acid is not a monday night drug
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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