I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
